Thursday, November 20, 2008

I wonder

What do you do at 1:30 in the morning on the day you're going to have your new baby and you can't sleep? Well, you toss and turn for a while. You listen to your husband sleeping (snoring) and it actually makes you happy because you know you wouldn't be sleeping even if he wasn't snoring, and at least someone's getting some good sleep. Then you get up and eat a bowl of cereal because you realize you're hungry. Then you check everyone's blog,, and drudge. Then you decide to post some thoughts of your own.

Today (well I guess technically it was yesterday) was spent preparing for tomorrow (today). I've rocked Zane a lot this week and did some more today. I cooked so we would have some food in the freezer, even though I know my mom is going to take good care of us there. I visited with friends. I wrapped Christmas presents.I cleaned and made Kevin clean. I got my hair cut, which is a bad thing to do the day before you have a baby, unless you really know and love the person cutting your hair. Let's just say--way too short. Was she not looking at the same picture I was??? I tried to go to sleep. Then I started to wonder.

I wonder if Nora will have hair. I wonder if she will have all her fingers and toes. I wonder how much she will weigh. I wonder if I will handle the surgery okay. I wonder if Zane will like her. I wonder why I woke up feeling sad. I wonder if Kevin will come home from work in time to get to the hospital in time. I wonder how cub scouts will go while I take a little break. (I LOVE those boys!) I wonder if Nora will like to be swaddled. I wonder if she will like us. I wonder if she will eat well. I wonder if I will heal as well as I did with Zane. I wonder how I'm going to care for a 16 month old and a newborn when I'm not allowed to lift things for several weeks. I wonder why Zane is making all that banging noise in his crib right now.

Tomorrow I have a few more little errands to run and then I want to just play with Zane. I think we will go out to breakfast for a special treat. It will be my only meal of the day. Then if the weather is nice we'll go to the park. If not, we'll go play at the mall. Then we'll come home and I'll rock Zane (if he'll let me) and we'll have a nap (or at least try). In less than 20 hours we'll have a new baby. Wish us luck!


jared hawkins said...

We are so excited for you. I remember thinking similar thoughts before Lyndee was born. You will be great, awesome and amazing:) Don't be so hard on yourself, let your mom or Kevin help and just take one day at a time because that is all you really can do. I even thought that Kyler was going to feel neglected...but he was totally cool with having a sister and moms attention redirected for a short time. One of my favorite times with kyler was to read books together. Kyler was a big help by just wanting to hold her and help me out with the little things. Enjoy every day, Lyndee's first year went a whole lot faster than Kyler's. Sorry for the babbling. I just want you to know I think you are amazing. Take care and good luck, Love The Hawkins

Kim said...

Good luck with everything, we'll be praying for you and for Nora's safe entrance into the world!

Kristi said...

You are one GREAT gal, Holly! I never had the time to think or worry about these things. Actually, I guess I never TOOK the time to think about them. Kade and Kaleb were too early to be TOTALLY prepared and I was working while carrying Hailey. I know I had days where I worried and the reason you are sad is because you have all YOUR extra hormones and all of Nora's too! I was so much worse with Hailey then I was with my boys when it came to emotions and trying to control them! We love you and we are eager to welcome our new little niece into our family. Zane will ADORE her and take care of her, just like his dad has shown him. What a lucky girl!